Coping Skills

I wrote the “Rudolph” parody -inspired by a comment from a very good friend of mine- on Saturday afternoon, as our first major snow was falling. I needed to express my frustration, confusion, and sense of hypocrisy for feeling like Franken was chosen as the Dems sacrificial lamb (mixed religious metaphors much?), and “Give myself the gift of writing,” as another counselor friend had advised.  It was a cathartic exercise. Until…

Monday night, I was listening to a radio talk show discussing the Concealed Carry Reciprocity Act, (which passed in the House of Representatives)

https://www.c-span.org/video/?438072-5/interstate-concealed-carry-bill-debate&start=698

https://www.congress.gov/bill/115th-congress/house-bill/38/text

There was a caller who said that not allowing gun owners to carry across state lines was akin to racial discrimination, and then said that minorities get preference for carrying weapons. The feelings of deflation that people of color, the LGBTQ community, immigrants, and women feel when hearing this rhetoric overcame me, and I declared  out loud, “If this thing passes in the Senate, I don’t want to live in this world any longer. I will be a target for racists. I’ll take myself out before they do.” Then sobbed. Then prayed.  Then I grabbed my journal, and saw this note:

From Emotional Alchemy, How the Mind Can Heal the Heart by Tara Bennett-Goleman:

“You can convert anger from a destructive emotion to a constructive energy. As I once heard the Dalai Lama explain, when we transform anger constructively, we are left with a clarity about what needs to be done and an intense energy to achieve our goals.”

No matter how bleak things appear, I’ve got to wake up every morning, and keep on keeping on. Contact Congress. Write. Sing. Get it out before it eats me alive. The supremacists want me to self-deport from this Earth – and I won’t give them the satisfaction! Even through tears, I’ve got to keep #resisting. I hope you will do the same.

Be compassionate and careful this holiday season.

-RMB-

 

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To the Tune of Rudolph

You know Weinstein and Lauer and Franken and Cosby,
Conyers and Charlie and Westwick and Spacey,
But do you recall, the most famous grabber of all

Donny the Orange Grabber
Carries tic tacs in his suit
Walks in on naked beauties
Who are under a-ged youth

All of the other grabbers
Lost their jobs and live in shame
Donny the Orange Grabber
Gets to keep his title and name

‘Twas in November of ’16
The US came to say
“Donny with your tan so bright, won’t you grab our Bill of Rights?”

And now the people are waiting
For the special com-mit-tee
Donny the Orange Grabber
You’re about to get im-peached!

Happy Holidays!

c2017 Nymphatic Music

Her Name is CON-way

To the tune of ‘My Way’

 

She spreads

The news that’s bull

And facts are from her boss’ psyche

 

She goes on to deny

That Russia guides white house decisions

 

Mouthpiece of Bannon’s lies

Comprised in phony guise of Barbie

 

She’s the flower

of neo-Nazi power

Her name is CON-way

#resist

 

 

 

 

#OLD TRUMP DONALD

Sung to the Tune of Old MacDonald

Old Trump Donald’s done us harm

EO EO Oh!

He’s done his harm in one whole week

EO EO Oh!

With a fascist here and Muslim ban there

Bigly Bigly making the world sickly

Old Trump Donald’s done us harm

EO EO Oh!

He doesn’t want the press to speak

EO EO Oh!

his alternative facts and Russian hacks

will tremendously send us into Armegeddon

Old Trump Donald’s done us harm EO E UH-OH!!!

#WARREN YATES 2020!!!!

 

Comedy Tonight?

I’m an SNL fan. From remembering my parents watching the beginning cast and laughing – me not getting it until I was older (ex: Richard Pryor and Chevy Chase free association, ‘The Exorcist’ parody, The Loopners), to quoting lines with my friends in high school ( we weren’t having sex or getting drunk/high – we recited SNL ad naseum – see Mary Gross and Julia-Louis Dreyfus’ in ‘Newsmakers’ skit – Jinx buy me a coke!), to my favorites throughout the seasons: Joe Piscopo’s and the late Phil Hartman’s Frank Sinatra, Mary Gross’ Alfalfa,  Maya Rudolph’s Donatella Versace, Kennan Thompson in ‘Deep House Dish’, Bill Hader’s Vincent Price, Tom Hanks (Entertainment Tonight anchor who beeps), Steve Martin (five timer’s club!) and John Hamm cameos, Bobby Moynihan’s Drunk Uncle and everything he does.  I could go on, but I won’t. Ok – 3 more, the infamous P-word sketch (rhymes with wee-ness) with Kevin Nealon, ‘P-whipped’ with Jan Hooks, and ‘The Stand-Ups’ skit w/young Damon Wayans (Why does Fred Flintstone only have 4 toes?).   I. Love. SNL.  Warts and all.

Unfortunately, I think I’ve aged out of the demographic, and haven’t watched much this season.  And I’m sad to admit (thank you, middle age!), sometimes I can’t stay awake that late.

If I can manage to keep my eyes open tonight, I will watch Ms. Sasheer Zamata’s SNL debut.   Break a leg, Ms. Zamata!

In response to the hoopla surrounding Ms. Zamata’s hire, I prepared a diatribe about cultural perceptions and definitions of humor, racial and sexual discrimination in the common workplace and the entertainment industry, racial stereotypes in the media, pros and cons of affirmative action, the inability of institutions to innovate which results in diminished cultural relevance and financial downfall, blah blah blah, but it’s not necessary to present it. One of my resolutions for this year is to take myself less seriously, reduce stress, and enjoy life.

If you truly want to know how I feel, I suggest you read the lyrics to Leonard Cohen’s “Everybody Knows”. (See – I told you I need to laugh more!)

Bottom Line:  Talent is talent and funny is funny, and if you can hack it and not let the jerks who run the jerk store get you down, or become one of the jerks who run the jerk store with integrity and humility and rebrand The Jerk Store to The Store, then go for it!   

5 Alternative Titles for ‘The Master’

Ahhh Autumn..That time of year when the studios break out their Oscar-contending films.  I saw my first of the buzz-worthy fare last night – PT Anderson’s The Master, a gripping character study allegedly loosely based on the early days of a very controversial modern religion.  For those of you suffering from comic book movie fatigue, this film will not disappoint.  Stunning performances by Amy Adams,  Phillip Seymour Hoffman and Joaquin Phoenix.  The alternative titles will clue you in to The Master’s tone.

 

Codependency, Cocktails, and Coercion

NLP : SVU

Extreme Makeover: Passive Aggression Edition

Now That’s What I Call a Bully Pulpit

Sex, Lies, and NLP

I’m ready for my close up, Mr. Yankovic

Back in my corporate days, I wrote birthday song parodies for my co-workers, which made for a much friendlier, gentler party planning committee than on ‘The Office’.  Here is my latest attempt to strengthen my creative muscle.  My references may be a little dated, as I am a 99%er in the digitial divide.

Tweet on my blog all day (to the tune of “Bang the Drum all Day” by Todd Rundgren)

 

CHORUS

I don’t wanna work

I just want to tweet on my blog all day

I don’t wanna play

I just want to occupy cyberspace

 

Ever since the 1990s

Been caught in the web

Adapted early

Just need a keyboard and a mouse

Right and left clicking I don’t need to leave the house

 

I don’t wanna work

I just want to tweet on my blog all day

I don’t wanna play

I just want to occupy cyberspace

 

My cpu is always on

If leave my laptop

I get Facebook withdrawl

Touch screens and smart phones are my best friends

Until I’ve found out that the version is in

 

I don’t wanna work

I just want to tweet on my blog all day

I don’t wanna play

I just want to occupy cyberspace

 

Check my profile at my job

The boss gives me hassle tells me to stop

That’s okay ‘cuz when I get home

I’ll hack his email and give him a rick roll

 

I don’t wanna work

I just want to tweet on my blog all day

I don’t wanna play

I just want to occupy cyberspace

 

 

Song Parody Lyrics © 2012 Nymphatic Music

 

 

“We insist on personal responsibility and we celebrate individual initiative. We’re not entitled to success. We have to earn it. But we also believe in something called citizenship-a word at the very heart of our founding, at the very essence of our democracy; the idea that this country only works when we accept certain obligations to one another, and to future generations.”

– PRESIDENT BARACK OBAMA

62 inspiring words

Hey Wonka, I want off!

I apologize, dear readers, for not posting for a while.  My head is swimming, or should I say that my psyche is drowning in a stew of political vitriol. I’m having a severe case of PES (pre-election syndrome). I’m haunted by the notion that everything I must do from here on out is or will soon become a political act, whether the task is grocery shopping, driving, job hunting, etc. There is so only much due diligence I can take. 

Trayvon Martin,  the Sandusky trial,  Bristol Palin, the Bachelorette, Kim and Kanye, SuperPacs, the War on Women, Donald Trump – it’s too much – and no amount of Daily Show or Colbert Report will ease my discomfort.  So please forgive me while a take a mental health break, and get out of this negative web I’ve created for myself.  I hear sunsets are nice this time of year.

Armchair Producer

I watched a Marx Bros. movie marathon a couple of weeks ago and it got me thinking, if the Farrelly Bros have rebooted The Three Stooges, the Marx Bros are probably sure to follow.  (Cue Game Show music)  Time to play ‘Armchair Producer’. This is who I would pitch:

TRADITIONAL VERSION:

Groucho – Sasha Baron Cohen, Stanley Tucci, Jason Segel

Zeppo – Stanley Tucci, Mark Ruffalo, John Leguizamo, Neil Patrick Harris

Harpo – Steve Carrell, Peter Scolari, Teller (of Penn and Teller), Andy Serkis, Neil Patrick Harris

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS:

Young Lovers – Anne Hathaway and Josh Groban

Wealthy Patroness Countess Oondervaar – Maggie Smith

Director: One of The Davids (Mamet or Fincher), Coen Bros.

SURREAL REMIX:

Groucho – Bob Saget, Damon Wayans, Ty Burrell, Isaiah Mustafa, Jesse L. Martin

Zeppo  – Wayne Brady, Craig Robinson, Andre3000, Cee-Lo, Lin- Manuel Miranda, Christopher Meloni, Neil Patrick Harris

Harpo – Kevin Smith as “Silent Bob”, Dave Chapelle, Donald Glover, Ken Jeong, Mike Myers, Neil Patrick Harris

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS:

Young Lovers – Rosario Dawson and Joseph Gordon Levitt, FeFe Dobson and Bruno Mars

Wealthy Patroness  Countess Oondervaar  – Conchata Ferrell, Octavia Spencer, Holland Taylor, Cher

Director: Spike Lee, Kevin Smith,  Michel Gondry, Lana and Andrew Wachowski

FEMALE REMIX:

Groucho – Kristen Wiig, Bette Middler, Margaret Cho

Zeppo – Bette Middler, Margaret Cho, Maya Rudolph, Mayim Bialik, Selma Hayek, Raven Symone

Harpo – Amy Sedaris, Janelle Monae, Charlene Yi, Kristen Wiig, Amy Poehler, Mayim Bialik, Raven Symone

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS:

Wealthy Patron  Baron OOndervaar – Craig Ferguson, Michael Chiklis, Chris Cooper

Young Lovers – Taylor Swift and Scotty McCreery

Director: Barbra Streisand, Amy Heckerling

What say you?