Armchair Producer

I watched a Marx Bros. movie marathon a couple of weeks ago and it got me thinking, if the Farrelly Bros have rebooted The Three Stooges, the Marx Bros are probably sure to follow.  (Cue Game Show music)  Time to play ‘Armchair Producer’. This is who I would pitch:

TRADITIONAL VERSION:

Groucho – Sasha Baron Cohen, Stanley Tucci, Jason Segel

Zeppo – Stanley Tucci, Mark Ruffalo, John Leguizamo, Neil Patrick Harris

Harpo – Steve Carrell, Peter Scolari, Teller (of Penn and Teller), Andy Serkis, Neil Patrick Harris

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS:

Young Lovers – Anne Hathaway and Josh Groban

Wealthy Patroness Countess Oondervaar – Maggie Smith

Director: One of The Davids (Mamet or Fincher), Coen Bros.

SURREAL REMIX:

Groucho – Bob Saget, Damon Wayans, Ty Burrell, Isaiah Mustafa, Jesse L. Martin

Zeppo  – Wayne Brady, Craig Robinson, Andre3000, Cee-Lo, Lin- Manuel Miranda, Christopher Meloni, Neil Patrick Harris

Harpo – Kevin Smith as “Silent Bob”, Dave Chapelle, Donald Glover, Ken Jeong, Mike Myers, Neil Patrick Harris

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS:

Young Lovers – Rosario Dawson and Joseph Gordon Levitt, FeFe Dobson and Bruno Mars

Wealthy Patroness  Countess Oondervaar  – Conchata Ferrell, Octavia Spencer, Holland Taylor, Cher

Director: Spike Lee, Kevin Smith,  Michel Gondry, Lana and Andrew Wachowski

FEMALE REMIX:

Groucho – Kristen Wiig, Bette Middler, Margaret Cho

Zeppo – Bette Middler, Margaret Cho, Maya Rudolph, Mayim Bialik, Selma Hayek, Raven Symone

Harpo – Amy Sedaris, Janelle Monae, Charlene Yi, Kristen Wiig, Amy Poehler, Mayim Bialik, Raven Symone

SUPPORTING CHARACTERS:

Wealthy Patron  Baron OOndervaar – Craig Ferguson, Michael Chiklis, Chris Cooper

Young Lovers – Taylor Swift and Scotty McCreery

Director: Barbra Streisand, Amy Heckerling

What say you?

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Pop Culture Life Story

If my life were comprised of movie or tv show plotlines, mine would be this:

Freaks and Geeks (TV) meets Everybody Hates Chris (TV) meets Welcome to the Dollhouse (Film) meets Saved (Film) a pinch of Glee (TV) meets Greenberg (Film) with a dash of Almost Famous (Film) and Cosby Show (TV). That’s eight.  Can you give me your pop culture life story in 10 references or less?

84th Academy Awards Crowdsource Proposal

I admit it.  I did a little happy dance when I heard that Eddie Murphy was not going to host the 84th Academy Awards, but stopped dancing when I heard who’s stepping in: Billy Crystal.  This could go either very well, or very badly, and I do not want to see America’s favorite Fernando Llamas impersonator go down in flames. I loved him in Soap, SNL, and his 90s films (Norman, Hellooo!), but methinks the young ‘uns may not take to him too kindly.

Here are a few suggestions to keep Mr. Crystal’s hosting legacy alive and well. Crowdsourcing garnered hype for Snakes on a Plane and resulted in an SNL booking for Betty White (Wizard of Ass!).  Maybe Brian Glazer (producer) and Bruce Vilanch (writer) should consider the following:

The 84th Academy Awards: a crowdsource brief initiated by blogger readmyblipps and her readers

Proposed Theme: Team OSCAR®

 Opening (This will work regardless of the NBA season status):

Billy Crystal is the main or “coach” host.  Tonight’s game is at home (Grauman’s) against the Harlem Globetrotters.  (ruh roh Shaggy); The starting 5 Shaquille O’Neal, Aisha Tyler, Steve Carrell, Stephen Colbert, Queen Latifah (it’s time for her to graduate from the Grammy’s before she’s uninvited like she was with the People’s Choice Awards) are announced by Michael Buffer with the catchphrase “Let’s get ready to OSCAR®”; Team Jersey – Black with OSCAR® statue picture on front, player name on back in gold text. O’Neal is injured at the initial jump ball – and wait for it – Elizabeth Hasselbeck substitutes (!)

All of the above have tv experience, and can deliver the zingers without veering into Ricky Gervais territory (for the record, I love the UK and US versions of The Office). And even if they do, which they might, considering the upcoming election, the audience response will probably be, “Oh that, (host name here)!” in an endearing grandmotherly tone.

 Other ideas:

  • White Men Can’t Jump parody “Short, Funny White Guys Can’t Host the Oscars”
  • The Help parody “The Hosts” with Latifah, Tyler and Hasselbeck
  • Superhero team parody “Billy Crystal and the Fantastic 5 Save the OSCAR(S)®”
  • Break dance movie parody “BC and The Fresh 5”
  • “Oscar Hall of Fame” sketch-  homage to Crystal’s SNL old time baseball player mockumentaries
  • Grumpy Old Men  parody “Grumpy Old Hosts”
  • That’s Dancing!/That’s Entertainment movie musical parody “That’s Hosting!”

 What NOT to do:

  • Occupy parody
  • Twillight parody

Your turn…Pass it on